AGE 31 MARITAL STATUS Single OCCUPATION Marketing Executive HOMETOWN San Francisco, CA
Biography
Burton Roberts was born in Houston, and
raised in St. Louis. He is currently
single and residing in San Francisco,
where he works as a marketing executive
for a start-up tech company in the video
gaming industry. Previously, he worked
as a marketing and business development
consultant and an alliance manager.
With bachelor degrees in both business
and philosophy from Southern Methodist
University in Dallas, he is most proud
of earning a Masters Degree in business
administration from the Kellogg School
of Management in Evanston, Illinois
(one of the top business schools in the
world).
His favorite hobbies include adventure
racing, mountain biking and traveling,
and he describes himself as adventurous,
funny and a hard worker. He owns five
Texas longhorns on his family's ranch
outside of Austin, Texas. His heroes are
his mom and dad who have worked so hard
and have achieved success in life while
being so dedicated to family.
He thinks he'll do well on SURVIVOR:
PEARL ISLANDS because of his experiences
as an Eagle Scout and an adventure
racer. Additionally, he believes his strength,
smarts and his ability to take care of
himself will serve him well. His birth
date is April 10, 1972.
(My
little disclaimer: As with all Survivor
profiles, I am totally making all this stuff
up as if I actually have a clue. I do not
in any way know any of these survivors.
However, I've received many emails from
past Survivors complimenting me on my insight.
So, although I make this crap up, sometimes
I'm actually right.
Burton Roberts has an impressive resume.
He is the odds-on favorite on the gambling
sites and I can easily see why they would
think so.
Of course, this is going to be his biggest
problem. Just ask Hunter from Survivor
Marquesas. For starters, this guy built
a fort complete with plumbing, water purification,
and electricity generated from some device
he fashioned out of cricket wings and
tree bark, I think. Hunter was also physically
strong and contributed more than anyone
else in his tribe towards food, shelter,
and the challenges. But as soon as his
team was able to vote him out, we saw
Hunter waving goodbye to all the knuckleheads
in his tribe.
I expect the same thing to happen to
Burton and this is kind of sad. I LIKE
competence. I LIKE survival skills. And
I like people who like Ayn Rand.
Survivor just isn't suited for good-looking,
strong, highly-athletic alpha males. All
these qualities instantly make him a target.
Burton's only hope is that he somehow
learned "Survivor" skills (not
survivAL skills) while obtaining his revered
MBA from the Kellogg School of Management.
(This could be a make-or-break deal for
Kellogg: If Burton demonstrates exceptional
people skills and is somehow able to overcome
having a huge target plastered on his
back, then the school might just be able
to brag that they're teaching more than
just textbook crap that doesn't apply
to the real world.)
In his audition video, Burton essentially
talked the bullet points of his resume.
And he came across as a down-to-Earth,
likeable guy. Something interesting happened,
though, and it deserves mention.
During the first third of the video,
we hear a little dialogue between whomever
is running the camcorder and him. He is
a bit uncomfortable tooting his own horn
while someone is in the room listening.
This person noticed this uncomfort and
offered to leave. He didn't come right
out and say "Yes," but his hesitation
and inability to say "No" was
a clear message. It would appear as though
this guy, who's just brimming with confidence
and ability, has a bit of a shy side.
What's interesting is that he chose not
to edit this out (and I don't believe
it was staged). Being a marketing guru,
he surely knows that less is more and
that all things that aren't entirely essential
should be eliminated. So, why did he allow
this totally irrelevant pitter-patter
to remain on his video?
He left it in because he was smart enough
to recognize that this brief exchange
showed an entirely different side to Mr.
Resume. It demonstrated that he has a
bit of human relations savvy. It demonstrated
that he is willing to show that he isn't
Mr. Organized-Things-Must-All-Be-Planned-and-Perfect-and-Leading-Towards-Achieving-Some-Predetermined-Measurable-Goal;
and thus, may just be able to sacrifice
his alpha-male-ness and his sparkling
reputation of winning everything in order
to not stand out so much on his little
Pearl Island.
Will he be able to pull it off? Will
he be able to remove that huge target
on his back?
Only time will tell. But, unlike the
oddsmakers would suggest, I wouldn't bet
on it.
Oh, but wait. I wanted to discuss a few
other things from his profile...
His
favorites demonstrate influence from both
Texas and Missouri. One of his favorite
scents is BBQ - a big Missouri thing (I'm
from the St. Louis area, too, so I know
what I'm talking about dammit). And his
favorite flower is the Texas Bluebonnet
and he likes the Dallas Cowboys. Most
of the people living in San Francisco
are transplants from other states, so
it doesn't surprise me that there's nothing
specific to San Francisco in his profile
(that I am aware of).
He
mentions MANY times his liking for adventure.
Burton likes adventure everybody!
But
he's not a big music fan, which is clear
to me because he lists techno as a favorite
music. He lists Maxim and Stuff magazines
as favorites (to demonstrate that he isn't
entirely Mr. Resume, as was also done
by including Jackass). Maxim and Stuff
are good if you read them just once or
twice. But the magazines are like spending
a weekend with that guy who can NEVER
not joke around: in small amounts, he's
great fun, but to be around him a lot
is just freaking annoying.
Is it safe to say that Hydro Thunder
is the video game his start-up tech company
is now marketing? It would make sense,
but after doing a quick internet search
I don't think it is since according to
the one and only video game site I pulled
up said that it was the #8 Nintendo 64
game. "Hydro Thunder is a boat racing
game featuring 13 courses with 13 cruisers
for you to choose from. These races are
against the law, so you will have to dodge
the police and civilians alike throughout
each event." I'm sure Ryan Shoulders
will be able to tell us just how old this
game is and how entirely lame the graphics
are - things which a start-up tech would've
already shelved.
Burton thought it was worth the time
and space to mention that he owns five
Texas Longhorns. After a person acquires
several Texas Longhorns, just exactly
what would they do with them other than
feed them and say, "Hey, look at
that. Those are Texas Longhorns?"
Burton is an Eagle Scout and he suggests
that this will help him in the Survivor
game. I totally agree. Have you ever looked
at all the things an Eagle Scout must
do in order to earn that badge? I found
this page: www.meritbadge.com/bsa/adv/eagle.htm.
\
Egads! There are many requirements with
many more sub-requirement to each of these.
Below is just parts 4 and 5 of the First
Aid requirement alone:
4.
Do the following:
Describe the signs of a broken bone. Show
first-aid procedures for handling fractures,
including open compound) fractures of
the forearm, wrist, upper leg, and lower
leg using improvised materials.
Describe
the symptoms and possible complications
and demonstrate proper procedures for
treating suspected injuries to the back,
neck, and head. Explain what measures
can be taken to reduce the possibility
of further complicating these injuries.
5.
Describe the symptoms, proper first-aid
procedures, and possible prevention measures
for the following conditions:
Hypothermia
Convulsions
Frostbite
Bruises, strains, sprains
Burns
Abdominal pain
Broken, chipped, or loosened tooth
Knocked-out tooth
Muscle cramps
After looking over the Eagle Scout merit
badge requirements, I must say that I
am VERY impressed. If you ever meet someone
who is an Eagle Scout, you can be assured
that this person has prepared themselves
quite well for life, in general, and began
doing this at a very young age. There
is a connotation that Boy Scouts are kind
of a dorky, brainy, goody-two-shoes kind
of thing, but you know... you should be
nice to these people because chances are,
they'll be your boss someday.
If Lillian makes it to the merge (she
won't), she would be oh-so proud of Burton,
who WILL make it to the merge unless his
tribe consists of knuckleheads.
I have a little theory about beautiful
people that's been proven true a number
of times (the last time, I think, was
on 20/20 or a similar show). People tend
to respect beautiful people more than
less attractive people, while also giving
them promotions and better chances to
succeed in life. Survivor, except for
the last series giving Jenna the win,
tends to level out the playing field as
hunger, heat, and exhaustion often override
beauty. So, we'll get to see just how
much Burton has earned through pure talent
and hard work -OR- has been handed to
him because of his good looks.
But as I stated earlier, I like the guy.
I just hope that he doesn't play the game
so well that people see him as too much
of a threat and boot his Eagle Scout hiney
off the island.
